


I Heard Your Voice

by Frooster



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: ASL, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bang Chan is Whipped, Bullying, Deaf Character, Fluff, Growing Up, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) is a Sweetheart, M/M, Minor Swearing, Tangled (2010) References, angst if you squint, but i never say their names theyre just mom and dad, chanlix have parents and they make cameos, hes not a real guy don't hate him, i almost cried writing this, theres a jaehwan, this is a repost of this fic with a different ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:21:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26362567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frooster/pseuds/Frooster
Summary: In a world where you have to hear your soulmate's voice to know they're yours, what happens when your soulmate is deaf? What happens when Chan knows he's Felix's soulmate, but the other doesn't know Chan is his?~~~"You know, hyung, sometimes I don't think I have a soulmate.""Wait, why do you think that?""I mean, I'm deaf. Kind of ruins the whole point of hearing your soulmate's voice.""I bet there's someone out there for you.""Even if there is, how will I know?""I think you'll know."
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 8
Kudos: 239
Collections: Other Ships





	I Heard Your Voice

**Author's Note:**

> 'sign language is written like this'  
> "spoken dialogue is written like this"

Whenever you meet your soulmate, your heart supposedly drops to your stomach. Your world changes and you realize you haven’t heard the world clearly until you’ve heard _them._

 _That_ is how you’re supposed to feel when you meet your soulmate. So why is it that when Chan found his soulmate, his stomach filled with dread?

~~~

Chan remembered the first time he met Felix, remembers it like it was yesterday. They had been 8 and 5, respectively. Their parents had both decided to take them to the park, and they had both decided to play in the sandbox. Chan remembered smiling and offering the smaller boy some of his shovels, seeing as he didn’t have any of his own, and he remembers the boy making a small gesture, saying “Thanks!” just a bit louder than normal. But he was 5, they were outside, Chan just passed it off and went back to building his castle and let the boy be. 

What must have been no more than 30 minutes later, a pair of boys ran up to the bit that Chan and the little boy were in and they stood behind the smaller boy, who didn’t seem to notice that they were there. One boy held up his hand and counted to three before they both leaned over and shouted directly into the other’s ears. If Chan was expecting anything, it _certainly_ wasn’t for the other to wince and almost immediately start crying as he tried to pull something out of his ears. 

“Hey!” He said, using his Big-Kid-Voice to make the others stop running. “Why did you do that?”

The taller boy (and probably the leader) snickered, before pointing at the boy still crying in the sandbox and asking, “Why did we yell at him? Because he’s a _freak_ who can’t even hear right if he doesn’t have those dumb metal thingies.”

“Yeah!” The other chimed in, “He deserved it!” Before Chan could do something… _anything_ to get them in trouble, the two ran off, and Chan was left alone with the crying boy. Since no one was coming up to comfort him, Chan did what any self-respecting Big-Kid would do, and went to comfort him. 

Remembering what the younger boys had done, Chan carefully moved so that he was in front of the smaller boy. He reached out a hand, once he had sat down, and touched the smaller boy’s knee. Almost immediately, he winced and covered his ears, opening his wide, teary eyes to see who was touching him. 

Chan saw recognition flicker in the boy’s eyes, and he mouthed something, no words coming out, before making a quick downward gesture with his hands, then pointing at the shovels on the ground. _He must think I want them back,_ Chan realized, and he shook his head before reaching out to grab one of the boy’s hands. 

When Chan did that, he felt the boy tense, but he kept his eyes carefully trained on Chan’s lips, the other hand not held captive gingerly clutching his ear. Chan was kind of unsure what to do, but he did remember that his mom had told him to always be nice to people, and since this boy couldn’t hear, maybe he could gesture to him!

Raising the hand not holding the boy’s, Chan plastered a big grin on his face, showing off his missing front tooth, and waved at the boy. 

“Hi!” He said, then winced when he realized he was talking to someone who couldn’t understand him.

“H-hello,” the smaller boy replied, and Chan felt his eyes widen. 

“Wait, you can understand me?” He asked, trying to keep the shock off of his face.

“C-could you talk a little bit s...slower? Pleashe?” Chan watched as the boy trained his eyes on Chan’s lips, and he realized he must be reading them to understand him. “I am Felix.”

Chan nodded again, then smiled, before opening his mouth and, as clearly as he could, said, “Hi Felix, I am Chan!” Chan watched as Felix mouthed his name, and moved his fingers in a quick series of motions. 

“Ch-Chan?” Felix asked, looking at the older with those wide eyes.

“Yeah! Do you want to find your mom?” Once again, Chan tried his best to say every single word slowly and clearly, and he thinks his mom would be proud of him. After all, he was trying really hard to make sure Felix understood what he was saying. 

“O-okay,” Felix whispered, making another motion with his hand, and Chan watched it, before repeating the move himself. If he had been paying attention, he would have seen the younger boy’s eyes light up when he did that. 

Slowly, the two got up together, Chan not letting go of Felix’s hand, and he followed Felix off to the side, where a pretty woman with brown hair had her back turned to the sandbox as she was talking to someone. Felix reached up and tugged on the woman’s shirt, and she turned to look at the boys, her eyes widening when she saw the tear treks on the younger’s cheeks. Quickly, she squatted, and raised her hands, moving them to make a different pattern that made absolutely no sense to Chan, but Felix tugged on the hand Chan was holding, and when Chan let go, he started making motions almost as quickly. They sat there for a few minutes in silence as Felix explained what happened to who _must_ have been his mother. 

Finally, the woman finished signing something and turned to look at Chan. 

“Thank you,” she said, moving her hand from her chin out and down, “for helping my son.” As she spoke, she moved her hands with the same steady motions she had been making with Felix. Chan curiously moved his hand and did what she had done when she said: “Thank you.” 

“That’s thank you?” he asked, repeating the gesture. When Felix’s mom nodded, he smiled before repeating the gesture. “I’m sorry that he got hurt at all,” he said when he had finished. 

Before he could keep talking with Felix’s mom, he heard his dad calling for him across the park. “I’m sorry again, but that’s my dad!” He turned and started to leave, before turning back around and fully facing Felix. When the younger boy looked at him curiously, Chan repeated the gesture for “Thank you,” and said, “Thank you for letting me help you.” Felix grinned at him and waved at Chan. Chan repeated the gesture before saying bye to Felix’s mom and running off. 

“Where were you?” His dad asked when he stopped in front of him. 

“Oh,” Chan looked to the other side of the park, where Felix and his mom were now leaving. “I was just trying to help someone out.”

~~~

Chan thought that would be the last he saw of Felix, but when he signed up to take an ASL class after school, he was surprised to see the younger boy there a year later, probably once he had been allowed to join the school. 

“Chan!” He had turned his head quickly, not having heard his name called in the club, usually just getting gestured at. When Chan looked, though, he felt his cheeks widen when he saw the boy from the park waving at him excitedly. “Felix!” He waved back, and when the younger came and sat next to him, Chan turned and excitedly asked him, while signing, “When did you join the club?”

He felt his heart swell a bit at the shocked look that crossed Felix’s face at Chan’s deft motions. 

‘You can sign that well?’ Felix asked, not bothering to say the words.

‘Yeah,’ Chan replied, ‘I’ve been learning for a year.’

Felix’s eyes widened, and he repeated, ‘A year? That’s super good then!’

Chan blushed and turned his head away, feeling shy. ‘I started learning because I wanted to actually talk to you if I saw you again.’ He refused to look back at Felix, feeling way too flustered for 9 years old. He felt a tap on his shoulder, but he shook his head and covered his ears, flushing an even deeper red when he heard the younger giggle. 

“Chan-hyung,” the younger called, and Chan softened when he heard the hyung tacked onto the end. “You worked really hard…” When Felix trailed off, Chan waited, trying to figure out what the other would say next. Cautiously, he turned back around and saw Felix grin at him. He slowly raised his hand, and then made the gesture for ‘Thank you.’

Chan smiled, and, carefully raising his hands again, he signed, while mouthing along, ‘Any time, Lix.’

~~~

“Hyung!” Chan looked up from where he was reading to see Felix rushing toward him, far too quickly to slow down before he reached him. Bracing himself for impact, he let out a harsh breath when the 11-year-old ran into him. 

“Lix,” he sighed, waving a hand to make sure the younger was looking at his lips. “What have I told you about controlling your body?”

“God, Channie-hyung, you’re such a buzzkill,” Felix whined, rolling over so he could stare at the older’s face easier. 

“It’s not my fault I don’t want you to get hurt,” Chan sighed, closing his book and setting it down next to him. 

“Ah, one more time?” Felix asked cutely, holding up a single finger as he widened his eyes, trying his best not to act like he didn’t understand the older. 

Instead of repeating himself, Chan simply grinned and reached down to tickle the younger, feeling his smile grow even wider and the offended gasp Felix let out before he curled in on himself, squealing when Chan didn’t let up. 

“Hyung! Chan stop it!” Felix cried, tears falling down his face from how hard he was laughing. Chan, finally deciding to show a bit of mercy, reached up and ran his finger under Felix’s eye, wiping away the remaining moisture. 

“You know,” he said, then waited for Felix to look at him. “I hate to see you cry.” 

Felix just grinned at him, ‘it’s a good thing I never cry because of you.’

“No,” Chan sighed, ‘Just… I hate to see you cry in general.”

“Oh,” Felix (so eloquently) responded. His eyes softened in that way they did only when he looked at Chan before he leaned up and placed a soft kiss on Chan’s cheek. “Well it’s a good thing I have you here to protect me, isn’t it?”

 _Yeah,_ Chan thought as Felix moved to curl into his side, _I’ll try to protect you for as long as I can._

_~~~_

“Hey, mom?” 

“Yeah, baby?” 

Chan looked up from where he had been playing with the table cloth to where his mom was stirring their soup for dinner. “Today we talked about soulmates in biology.”

“You did?” 

“Yeah, and…” Chan trailed off, looking down at the table cloth again, and he wondered if it was really worth it to ask the question. “I just- is it true that everything we hear sounds like we’re in a tunnel without our soulmate?” 

His mom looked over her shoulder and raised her eyebrow. Chan winced, _of course,_ his mother would see through the question. “Well,” she turned the stove to low and moved to sit across from Chan. “I didn’t really realize I was hearing anything wrong until I met your dad. I thought the birds always chirped like that, I didn’t realize the trees were supposed to rustle when the wind blew through them. I didn’t know that I was missing some sounds, and I didn’t realize that I could be hearing something completely different from someone else. 

“Then, cheesy as it is, I met your father.” She smiled softly, and her eyes clouded over as she remembered the day. “I had gone to the coffee shop on campus. It was _always_ busy, but that day seemed busier than normal. I had to fight for a table, but when I finally got one, I sat down and pulled my laptop out to start writing. Almost as soon as I had, a man came up to my table and he wouldn’t leave me alone. 

“He kept pestering me, asking if I was here with anyone, or if I wanted to leave and go to a less crowded coffee shop, and I could only say no to him. No, I’m not interested. Please leave me alone. Eventually, he got more forward, and he reached out to grab my hand, but before he could touch me, someone else stopped him. I remember it so vividly. He said, “The lady said she wasn’t interested,” and I was suddenly overwhelmed with white noise. It was everywhere, and I didn’t know what was going on.” His mom looked down, and Chan saw a small smile crawl across her face, but she looked kind of ashamed. 

“When I came too, he was kneeling in front of me, just repeating “ma’am?” at me. I don’t think he realized what had happened, but I could _hear_ the difference. The cafe sounded so much louder. I could hear the cars as they rolled by outside. Everything was so much clearer, it was overwhelming. I said something along the lines of “I’m okay,” and his eyes, God, they grew so big.” She threw her head back and let out a loud laugh, and Chan wondered how different it sounded to his dad. If that was one of the things that he would hear differently when he met his soulmate. 

“We both knew then, and it was so weird going around after that, just hearing everything I had taken for granted, realizing how much more beautiful it sounded now that I had your dad in my life.” 

“It doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship though, right?” Chan asked, remembering his biology teacher showing them a picture of her and a woman at least 20 years older than her, telling them that the two were soulmates, but not being romantically involved. 

“Oh, your dad and I were just friends for the longest time. But one day he went on a date with another girl and I just about lost my last strings of sanity, and that’s when we realized we weren’t meant to be platonic soulmates. We’ve been together ever since.” She looked closely at Chan, before leaning forward, “But that’s not what you’re really asking, is it?”

Chan sat for a few seconds, staring at his mother, before he felt tears well in his eyes, “Mama I’m scared.”

She quickly moved to wrap him in her arms, and cooed, “Scared of what, baby?”

“I- I know I can hear everything just fine, and that’s not really an issue for me, but what if Lix never… what if he never finds his soulmate mama?” He looked up from where she had safely tucked him under her arm. “What if he has to be alone forever?”

“Oh honey,” she sighed, pulling back to look him over. “I don’t know why you’re asking that question to me.” When Chan startled and began to move away, not expecting the cruel response, she simply pulled him back into her arms and sighed, “How could he ever be alone when he has you?”

~~~

Two years later, Chan had just turned 17, and Felix had texted him telling him he had some really big news. Chan had smiled at his phone, and he had replied that he’ll be over shortly to see what the younger had to tell him. 

When Chan pulled into the Lee’s driveway, Felix was already waiting for him on the porch. Chan barely had time to get out of the car before he was tackled by the excited boy. 

“Woah now, Lixie, I thought we talked about you controlling yourself. You can’t just tackle me every time you see me.”

Felix looked down when Chan had finished talking, and buried his face in his chest. “What if I don’t want to?” Chan raised his eyebrows when the younger spoke, noticing his voice was lower than it had been a few days ago when they had last spoken. “Hmm,” he hummed, drawing Felix’s attention back to his lips. “Is that what you wanted to show me? Your voice is deeper?”

“Yeah! I can feel myself talk now, but that wasn’t what I wanted to tell you…” Felix trailed off, and he looked up at Chan with wide eyes, the same eyes that had convinced him to take the younger for ice cream, and that the scary movie would be a good idea, even if the younger had cried into his sleeve for the whole movie. “I actually wanted to show you something. Do you know how DAY6 is going on tour? Well… they’re coming here next month, and mom said she would try to get us tickets if you promised to take me…”

_Dammit, I shouldn’t have looked in his eyes._

‘How much?’ Chan signed, pulling away from Felix. 

‘Not much,’ he responded. “She would be getting us seats near the back so we could sit down. They also keep speakers back there, so I could feel the music easier.” As he finished explaining, Chan looked over Felix’s head to see his mom standing in the door. He raised his eyebrow, and she nodded, signing, ‘He’s been bargaining for a week now.’

“Well, I guess there’s really only one option, isn’t there?” Chan grinned down at Felix, and he felt his heart swell at the excited squeal the younger let out.

“Thank you hyung!! It’s going to be so much fun, I can already tell!” Felix started to pull Chan toward the house, and Chan went along willingly. “We have so much that we need to do, but first it's movie day.” Felix turned to look at Chan once they were in the house and held out two movies. “Which one?” 

Chan looked between the two DVDs (Tangled and the Princess and the Frog), and he eventually pointed at Tangled, knowing Felix liked the lanterns in that one. 

As Felix moved to put the disc in the player, he asked, “Are you going to sing along this time, too?” Like Chan wouldn’t sing along every time a song came on, to give Felix an idea of what it sounded like. 

Felix had asked Chan to do it when he realized that the characters were singing, and he would rest his head on Chan’s chest whenever he did that, feeling the vibrations of his voice. Chan remembered the first time he had asked to listen to the older sing, and Chan had frowned and signed, ‘Why don’t you just use your hearing aids?’ 

Felix had smiled sadly, then explained how he had stopped using his aids years ago because of how many people would harass him by shouting or clapping near his ears, causing terrible ringing noise that he could never escape. He had just given up on the newer models of hearing aids because he had an effective way to communicate with his lip reading and sign language. 

Chan had nodded, and that had been the end of the conversation. When they had watched Mulan later that night, he sang along as best he could, and he swore to sing along every single time if it would make Felix smile that way. 

That had been a year and a half ago, and the two had met every week following, watching movies at Felix’s house. Two weeks into the new tradition, Chan had been singing along to The Little Mermaid, Felix’s head had been on his chest, and Chan looked down. Seeing Felix’s eyes closed as he simply listened to the older boy sing, Chan had realized then and there that he would do anything for the younger boy as long as he could keep that peaceful smile on his face. 

~~~

The day of Chan’s 18th birthday, he had woken up, and he was surprised when he realized he didn’t feel any different. It was like his mother had said. Nothing was missing from his life because his brain didn’t realize something _was_ missing. He had gone down for breakfast, greeted his mom and dad with a kiss, and he enjoyed the pancakes his mom had made for the day. Then, he had gone out to his car and he drove to Felix’s house to pick the younger up.

When you meet your soulmate, it is supposed to be the best feeling in your life. That is what he had always been told. So when Felix crawled into the car and greeted Chan with a tired, “Good morning, hyung,” Chan felt dread flood through his body the second his hearing changed. 

It was completely sudden, and nothing like his mother had described. His ears as simply popped, and everything was suddenly so much clearer. Gone was the muffled sound in his radio, he could hear exactly where static picked up from his bad antenna. The birds’ chirps sounded harsher than Chan had ever remembered, but the most obvious difference came when Felix spoke. “Hyung? What’s wrong with you?” His voice was… it was rich for someone who turned 15 in less than 6 months. Chan could hear where his voice would still get lower, but the clear, smooth tone to it was soothing to the older’s ears. 

Realizing Felix was staring at the older waiting for an answer, Chan shook his head and gave the boy a small smile. “Sorry, Lixie, it’s still a bit early for me today.”

“Ah, were you up late last night waiting for me to text you happy birthday?” Felix teased, and all Chan wanted to do was close his eyes and listen to the other talk. 

“Don’t be silly,” he replied, instead. “I was up trying to make sure my uniform was together. I couldn’t find my tie, no matter how hard I looked!”

“That’s a load of crap, hyung.”

“What if it isn’t?” Chan asked as he pulled out of the driveway and began the drive to school, still amazed by how much sharper everything sounded. 

“I know you keep your tie on the bedpost at the end of your bed because I always tease you about how it’s right next to your coat hanger, so why not just put it there, and you always tell me that sometimes you just need your tie and not a coat.”

Chan opened his mouth to protest, but he saw Felix hold up a hand, “And don’t even think about arguing with me right now. I’m too tired to try to figure out what you’re saying when I can only see half of your mouth.”

“Fine then,” Chan sighed, and he felt his lips curl when Felix began to hum as he scrolled through his phone. As he listened to the other, he remembered a conversation the two had when they went out for coffee one day before a movie. 

_“You know, hyung, sometimes I don’t think I have a soulmate.”_

_“Wait, why do you think that?”_

_“I mean, I’m deaf. Kind of ruins the whole point of hearing your soulmate’s voice.”_

_“I bet there’s someone out there for you.”_ _“Even if there is, how will I_ know?” 

_“I think you’ll know.”_ _“If I do have a soulmate, I hope they never meet me. I’d hate to disappoint them.”_

Chan shook his head when he remembered the sad, but determined look on the younger boy’s face. _If I had known, I would have told you right then and there. There’s absolutely no reason your soulmate wouldn’t love you. But…_ Chan thought back to the nights when Felix would text him a jumbled mess of letters because he didn’t know how he would tell his soulmate he didn’t understand him or her. 

_It’s what you want. I’ll keep this secret, but I’ll stay with you forever. I promise. That’s the least you deserve._

~~~

‘I have something I need to tell you,’ Felix signed when he saw Chan in the hallway. The younger boy looked nervous, but Chan simply nodded, and held up his phone, the universal sign for ‘text me.’

A few minutes later, when Chan was seated in his last class of the day, he got a message from Felix, asking if he would be willing to meet with him at Aunt Kim’s, the local diner in town, to talk with him. Chan sent back a thumbs-up and forgot the interaction when his teacher stood up from her desk. 

It had been roughly a year since Chan had realized Felix was his soulmate, and every day he was still amazed at the way the younger boy spoke. He would find himself getting distracted with the way the younger would laugh at his jokes, or simply the way he would whine when he wanted something. That’s why he was curious to learn what the younger man had to tell him. It wasn’t every day he saw Felix that nervous. 

After class, Chan sent Felix another text, asking if he needed a ride to the diner, but was confused when the other responded with a short, ‘No, I’ll meet you there.’

_He must really be nervous, whatever it is._

Chan drove to Aunt Kim’s, and when he got out of his car, he saw Felix slowly crawl out of a car near his. A tall boy he had seen walking with Felix to some of his classes climbed out of the driver’s seat, and Chan felt his eyebrows shoot up. 

“Hey, Lixie,” Chan said, signing the greeting like he had done since he had known the younger.

“Hey, hyung,” Felix replied, staring stubbornly at the other’s lips, not making the motion to greet the older. 

_That’s odd,_ Chan thought, but he shook his head and moved to follow the two boys inside when the taller suggested it. 

When they finally sat down, Chan wasted no time trying to figure out what was going on. 

“Lix, who is this?” Felix looked at Chan with wide, worried eyes, then glanced at the boy again. The boy had leaned back and casually wrapped his arm around Felix’s shoulders. 

“My name is Jaehwan,” The boy said, and his voice oozed confidence that Chan did _not_ appreciate. “I’m Felix’s soulmate.”

_Oh._

Chan sat in his chair and looked at the way Felix winced when Jaehwan announced their relationship to the older. 

“Really now?” Chan smiled and, when he saw Felix relax at his small sign of approval, he decided to run with this. “How did you meet?”

“Well, do you know how I was taking that hip-hop class?” Felix asked, starting to make the motion for ‘dance’, before abating it. _I wonder what that’s about?_ “Jaehwan hyung transferred into the class three weeks into the semester, and, since I was the only person without a partner for the next assessment, the teacher assigned hyung to work with me.”

“It was basically love-at-first-listen,” Jaehwan said, reaching down and firmly gripping Felix’s hands. “I didn’t even realize it at first, but the music sounded so much bassier after I heard Felix speak. And I had heard from some of the other kids in the class that he was deaf, which made his desire to learn dance all the more admirable, but I didn’t realize he wouldn’t recognize me when he met me.”

“I was going to tell you sooner, hyung, but I wanted to make sure it wasn’t a fluke, or that he was someone just pretending to be my soulmate. We get along _so well!_ He likes all the things I like, and we haven’t really had any fights or anything in the months we’ve been hanging out.”

 _Months,_ Chan realized. _Lix has been hiding this part of himself from me, the person he was supposed to trust most, for_ months. Chan wanted to pretend that didn’t sting, but… it hurt, it truly hurt to learn that Felix hadn’t trusted him to tell him this _giant_ (if not completely fake) news. 

Plastering on a smile, Chan went through their dinner, talking and laughing with the couple, hiding his concerns under a smile. He could talk to Felix later, ask him why he wasn’t signing, why Jaehwan seemed so possessive of the boy. For now, he was going to be the supportive friend and big brother Felix needed him to be. 

About halfway through their burgers, Felix suddenly excused himself to go to the restroom, and Chan saw the perfect time to ask the question niggling at the back of his head. 

“So Jaehwan,” he began, leaning over and placing a few of his fries onto Felix’s tray because he never ate all of his own. “Why are you lying about being Felix’s soulmate?”

“What?” Jaewhan glanced at Chan from where he had been typing on his phone, “What do you mean? Felix is my soulmate.”

Chan fought down the smirk that wanted to crawl across his face, instead, he looked the younger man in the eye, dead on. “While I know there are instances where there are multiple souls connected to each other, I can guarantee you this isn’t one of those times, because if you were Felix’s soulmate, I would have heard something the second you spoke to me. But instead of the wonderful change in sound I heard when Felix first spoke to me, I just heard trash and filth spewing from your mouth. So I am going to ask you one more time.” Jaewhan’s eyes had widened more and more with each word Chan had said, and by the time he had finished speaking, he had pressed himself so far back into the chair Chan was afraid he would get swallowed by it. 

“Why are you pretending to be Felix’s soulmate?” Before he could get the answer out of the other, Felix bounced back over to their table and Chan instantly relaxed, smiling at the excited gasp Felix let out when he realized he had more fries.

 _Do you see this, Jaehwan? This is what it means to be his soulmate. You don’t have to constantly touch him to validate your relationship and you don’t_ lie _to him about your status. You support him through small gestures. If you can’t even understand that, then you definitely don’t deserve him._

~~~

Not even a week later, Chan was lying on his bed, looking through his Calculus textbook, when his door flew open and Felix was crashing into him before he had time to react. Chan was about to scold the other boy for tackling him, _again,_ when he realized the younger was crying. 

“Lixie?” He asked, but the younger just shook his head and buried it deeper into Chan’s chest. Chan sighed, but he ran his fingers through the hair at the base of Felix’s neck like he knew the younger liked. They sat there for what must have been 15 minutes (at least) before Felix calmed down enough to sit back at look at Chan. 

If Chan’s heart had broken when he heard Felix’s sobs, it was nothing compared to right now, looking at the younger with streaks across his face where his tears had run. His lip was chewed so much it flushed a deep red, and his eyes matched the tone with how bloodshot they were from tears. But the most heartbreaking part of the entire image was the lack of innocence in Felix’s eyes, instead, they looked harrowed, a shell of the boy Chan knew. 

“Jaehwan lied to me,” Felix said it simply, and Chan would have believed that was all he was going to say, if not for the pained breath that came after it. “He’s not my soulmate.”

 _Oh._ “Oh, Lixie,” Chan cooed, pulling the younger boy back to his chest right as he let out another sob. 

“He -he told me today when we- when we went out for coffee. He had shown up late and so I- I made a joke about making his soulmate wait, and he-he just rolled his eyes and said “like I could ever be your soulmate,” and- and I kind of looked at him and he just s-said it was too easy. That _I_ was too easy to fool. A-after all, why would there actually be someone for me? I wouldn’t be able to tell anyway.

“But- but after he told me that,” Felix shuddered and Chan tried to take the other closer, tried to envelop the other in a tighter hug, tried to give him _some_ form of comfort. But nothing seemed to be working, tears kept staining Chan’s shirt and he could feel it stretching where Felix had the material gripped in his hands. “He told me that I didn’t even deserve a soulmate in the first place. That I- he said I was a _freak_ because I couldn’t talk to someone without looking at them. 

“And that’s why he couldn’t keep the lie going. He was sick and _tired_ of having to pretend to like a freak like me any more than I had to.” Felix tried to keep going, but Chan pulled the younger away from him, and he was met with wide, pained eyes and a tear-stained face. 

“What are you doing?” 

“You are _not_ a freak,” Chan growled, wanting to clench his teeth, but knowing he couldn’t so the younger could understand him. “What you do is amazing, and makes you so much better than Jaehwan, or me, or _anyone else_ in the world. You survive and — even better you _live_ with something that should have a much bigger impact on your life than it does. Just because you can’t hear doesn’t make you someone to be looked down upon. If anything, people should look up to you. If I didn’t know you were deaf, I wouldn’t have realized. You keep up with people so well, hell, you understand rappers that I can’t even understand when I’m _listening_ to them without lyrics on the screen. 

“So don’t let Jaehwan -- or anyone for that matter -- tell you you’re not enough.” By the time Chan had finished speaking, a new wave of tears had spilled from Felix’s eyes, and he had dove back into Chan’s chest to muffle his sobs. 

“I don’t know what I would do without you hyung. You always know,” Felix sniffed and leaned back, and Chan couldn’t help but reach up to cup his face. As Chan carefully wiped away the tears that just didn’t seem to stop falling, Felix leaned into his hand, “You always know what to say to make me feel better.”

Chan bit back a smile as the younger boy practically melted into his hand. “It’s like I said before,” Chan replied, finally wiping away the last of his tears. “I hate when you cry.”

“Why?” Felix asked, rubbing his eyes and adjusting the way he was sitting on Chan’s legs so he was more comfortable. 

Chan simply smiled and shook his head, and Felix huffed before sliding down so he was next to Chan and curling into his side. Chan laid the two of them down, and as Felix closed his eyes, likely exhausted from his breakdown, Chan began to thread his fingers through the younger’s hair to soothe him. 

As Felix smiled softly, his breathing deepening to show he was sleeping, Chan answered the question he hadn’t dared to respond to out loud before. Softly so he didn’t disturb Felix, barely loud enough form himself to hear it, he whispered, “Because I love you,” before closing his eyes and letting sleep take him away. 

~~~

“Hyung, have you heard? There’s this new experimental surgery in Seoul for deaf people. It supposedly gives you your hearing back without the need for hearing aids.” Felix was rolling around in Chan’s office chair that he kept in their spare room for occasions just like this when Felix wanted to talk, but Chan was trying to write something for uni. Felix had moved in with Chan once he graduated. They were both attending university in a city a few hours away from their hometown, Chan in his fifth year and Felix in his second. 

“Really now?” Chan asked, not paying complete attention as he scanned the article he was looking at for the quote he needed to cite in his essay. 

“Yeah, and they’re looking for volunteers for the trial before they make it an official surgery offered at the clinic.”

“Sounds neat, do you know anyone in your club who was considering doing it?” 

“Maybe.” 

When Felix had followed Chan, he had been excited to learn that the university had several degrees that were offered for people training to learn ASL or already knew it. He had joined a club for deaf people at the school and quickly made friends, bonding over their shared impediment. 

“Yeah? What about Heejin? She seems like the type to do an experimental surgery.” Chan gave up on finding the quote and turned to fully focus on Felix. They had set up the room in a way that whenever Chan was facing his computer, there would be a mirror pointing to his face so Felix could understand him even when his back was turned. It didn’t work every time, but they had enough success with the contraption to keep it up. 

“No, Heejin isn’t interested in the surgery.”

Chan furrowed his brow, leaning forward, “Then why bring it up?” 

“Hyung, I-” Felix cut himself off, and it was almost like he couldn’t finish the sentence. Instead, he closed his eyes and raised his hands, letting them speak for him. ‘I want to do the surgery.’

“What?” Chan had never stood as quickly as he did in that instance, moving across the room and kneeling in front of Felix before he even realized he had moved at all. “Felix, Felix look at me.” He reached out and touched the younger’s shoulder, trying to get him to open his eyes.

When he finally did, Chan did his best to soften his features, so he wouldn’t stress Felix out with his questions. “Why do you want to do this?”

“It’s just… I know it shouldn’t affect me, but what Jaehwan said to me all those years ago still comes back to me. And I look at the way you’ll sometimes just pause and close your eyes, and I _know_ it’s because you’re appreciating the sounds around you, and I just want to be able to experience that too. I want to hear something so wonderful it makes me stop and listen to it. I want to hear music without having to blow out the speakers just to feel the bass. And… more than that…” Felix trailed off and Chan leaned forward, wanting to know what he was going to say, and hoping desperately it wasn’t about how he was flawed or just wanted to find his soulmate. 

“More than I want to hear your voice,” Felix looked at the older, with those wide, innocent eyes, and Chan felt himself melt. His protests faded until they were at the very back of his mind, and he found himself nodding along.

“Have you thought it through and talked about it with your family? Because I feel like that’s something that they should know.”

“I wanted to run it by you first. Because you’re the person who has stuck beside me through everything else, I figured I would need my partner in crime to get mom and dad’s approval.” Felix smiled at him, and Chan found himself smiling back.

“If you’re sure about this…”

“I’m sure.”

“Then let’s do it.”

~~~

“Chan, why are you pacing like that?” Felix’s mother was perched at the edge of her seat in the waiting room, and her husband was next to her, nervously playing with her fingers as they waited for an update. Chan’s parents were in the chairs next to the Lees, a hit more relaxed, but staring at their son with a confused look on their faces. 

“I’m just scared something will go wrong,” he replied, not stopping his pacing. 

_That’s not it exactly it though. If something goes wrong, then Felix will be missing no more than he was already. There was no threat to his life in the surgery, I wouldn’t have let him do it if there was. More than anything, I’m afraid everything will go okay and he’ll find out._ That was truly the crux of the matter. Felix would learn that Chan had been hiding the fact that he was his soulmate from him for _years._

 _What if he never forgives me?_ As these thoughts ran through his head, he couldn’t help but do something to keep his mind from running itself into the ground, so he paced. He walked back and forth, muttering facts about the procedure he had looked up before Felix had gone in. They stayed that way for another 20 minutes before the doctor walked out of the room, Felix being wheeled in a chair in front of him. 

“He won’t really hear anything clearly for a few weeks. It will likely take a month or so for him to coherently differentiate sound, and we will need him brought to the clinic weekly for observation. Apart from that, the surgery was a success.” The doctor smiled and held a hand out to help Felix stand. The younger boy stood up and was almost immediately engulfed in a hug from his parents. 

“Oh baby, you were so brave,” his mother said, tearing up as she touched the gauze wrapped around his head. 

Felix’s eyes widened, and he reached out to touch his mom’s face. Pulling his hands back, he slowly signed, almost as if he couldn’t believe it himself, ‘I heard your voice.’

Everything froze. The whole room focussed on Felix’s hands, and Chan felt his stomach drop when Felix’s face lit up and he repeated the gesture. ‘I heard your voice! I can hear!’

_He can hear._

~~~

Two months had passed. Felix had gained more clarity to his hearing every day, and he stared at everything with unabashed hearing as he took in the sounds for the first time. When he and Chan had walked through the park for the first time, they had to stop every few seconds so Felix could appreciate the trees chirping, or the children laughing, or even the hotdog vendor shouting about the “Unbeatable prices! It’ll really make you a weener!”

Despite the miracle, there was one thing Chan knew Felix wanted to hear, but he was disappointed each time he tried. Chan hadn’t spoken to the younger since the day of the surgery. The last words he had said to the younger had been, “I’ll see you when you get out,” and there had been nothing since then. Not a peep from the older boy. 

Not that he wasn’t communicating with Felix, he would still text the younger, and sign at him, but he refused to actually speak. It was cowardly, and he knew it too, but he just wanted a bit longer. Wanted a few more days, seconds, hours, admiring the beautiful world that Felix was experiencing for the first time before it all came crashing down. 

“Hey, Channie?” Felix turned to look at the older, and Chan felt a sharp spike of deja vu. He had done the same thing with Felix multiple times a day, and now Felix was doing it to him. _I’m not being fair to him._

‘Yeah?’ he signed.

“When am I going to hear you talk?”

‘Soon.’

“You promise?” Chan winced at the wide, hopeful look in Felix’s eyes, and he wondered how he had lasted as long as he had not speaking. That look was enough to make him want to break down and tell Felix just how cute he was, but he resisted. Every time, he resisted. 

‘Tonight. I’ll talk to you tonight.’ Chan signed, feeling his resolve waver for just a moment before it was strengthened by the excited squeal Felix let out. 

_I can do this. It’s all going to work out._

~~~

“Felix? Felix, you need to talk to me!” Chan was kneeling over Felix’s still body. He had simply said, hello to the other when he had walked in from the bathroom, and Felix had collapsed a few seconds after. 

“Lixie, come on, you have to snap out of this, whatever this is!” Slowly, Felix’s eyelids started to flutter, then the younger groaned, and Chan would have felt comforted by the deep noise if he was still panicking over the fact that Felix had passed out as soon as he heard his voice.

As Felix came to, Chan still fluttering around him like a worried mother hen, Felix stared at him with a blank expression, before simply asking: “Water?” Chan sprang to his feet and grabbed a bottle from the fridge before rushing back to Felix, carefully uncapping the lid and holding it up to his lips. 

“Are you okay, Lix?” As soon as he asked the question, Felix turned to Chan and fixed him with that same wide-eyed and confused stare he had gotten so many times from the younger. 

“Why did you sound so different? No… Why does _everything_ sound different?” Felix turned and looked to the refrigerator as if noticing it hummed for the first time. He drummed his fingers against the floor, and then looked at Chan, confused. 

Chan knew this moment would come, and he wished he didn’t have to explain it, but he realized he would have to for the younger to understand. “Felix, do you remember in school when they told you that your hearing would change the second you met your soulmate and heard their voice? Well…” Chan took a deep breath, and looked into Felix’s eyes, watching as they widened after each word the older spoke. “I got really lucky. My hearing changed a few hours after I had woken up on my birthday. I hadn’t realized I had found my soulmate, had actually known him for the majority of my life until he was sitting right in front of me teasing me for staying up too late the night before. 

“I couldn’t help but think of a conversation I had had with him a few weeks before that day, how he had said he wouldn’t want to know if he had a soulmate because he felt like he would be a disappointment. I knew at that moment that he could never disappoint his soulmate because I was sitting right there and I was completely blown away by him. I still am, to this day, in fact. 

“But he didn’t want a soulmate, and so I was going to honor that request. I promised myself that I would love him from afar, and he would never know that he was supposed to be with me because what if he thought I was a liar like Jaehwan had been? Any thought I had of ever telling you was squashed the second he entered the picture because he broke your trust in two. And that was okay for me because I was still with you. I still had you in my life to brighten my day, and I could still make you smile.

“Then you decided to try the surgery. I didn’t realize how much that would scare me until you walked out of that room with your eyes so full of wonder and you told your mother that you could hear her voice. It didn’t matter that you couldn’t understand her, you could hear. And that, within itself, was a miracle to me. But it also meant I had to own up to the lie I had been keeping for the last 5 years. I had to come clean, and I, as awful as it seems, I was afraid you would leave. You would see me as someone just as bad as Jaehwan and you would walk away from me. And the worst part of that idea was that I knew I would deserve it. Because I haven’t been fair to you. I realized I should have told you the second I realized. You deserved the truth, and I took that from you. 

“So, Felix, I’m so sorry that you’re stuck with me. I’m sorry I lied and I’m sorry it took me this long to come clean. I know there’s probably no chance, but if you can forgive me, I promise I will do the best I can to take care of you and work alongside you so that we never have an issue like this again. Will you forgive me?” Chan had been staring at Felix’s face, but at some point during his ramblings, he had focused on his own knees, too ashamed to look into the other’s face. When he heard the younger sniff, his head shot up and he saw Felix swiping at his eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling.

“You absolute asshole,” Felix sniffed. “Of course I’m going to forgive you, oh my god, I’m just. Why didn’t you _tell me?_ ” Chan stared at Felix, stared into his watery eyes, searching for a sign of betrayal, of _anything,_ but all he saw was acceptance. “Hyung we could have worked this out. You… you hid this from me, you made yourself suffer for _years_ when I would have listened to you. I may not have ever been able to hear your voice, but I’ve been able to understand you since day one. I can’t… I can’t even find it in me to be mad because this is just such a _you_ thing to do!” Felix wiped at his eyes again before groaning, “Why can’t I stop _crying_ dammit?”

Chan slowly reached his arms out, inviting Felix to crawl into them if he wanted, and the younger wasted no time before claiming a place in his lap. The two sat there in the middle of the kitchen, Chan trying his hardest not to cry, and Felix openly weeping onto Chan’s shirt. 

Chan wanted to do something, _anything_ to get the younger to stop crying, and before he realized what he was doing, he started singing. His voice was cracking every few seconds, and it was obvious that he was very near tears himself, but that didn’t stop the soft, _“And at last I see the light,”_ from escaping. Almost immediately, Felix stilled against him, and he put a hand to Chan’s chest, listening to the song he had felt so many times. _“And it’s like the fog has lifted. At last, I see the light, and it’s like the sky is new.”_

 _“And it’s warm and real and bright,”_ Chan jerked a little when Felix joined him, his own voice straining against his tears, but just as beautiful as Chan remembered it. _“And the world has somehow shifted.”_

 _“All at once, everything is different,”_ Chan trailed off, looking into Felix’s eyes. The eyes that had captivated him from the day they first met. He carefully wiped away a stray tear, remembering all the times Felix had asked him why he wiped away his tears. _Because I hate to see you cry. Because I love you._

Felix reached up, understanding what the older couldn’t say, and, as he held Chan’s hand to his cheek, he smiled. _“Everything is different, now that I hear you.”_

**_-fin-_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Some of you may have clicked on this fic and thought it looked very similar to another fic you read once-upon-a-time, but I rewrote this fic after everything that's happened, and I decided that it would be best to just repost the entire story. I hope you enjoyed it! Especially if this was just your first time reading it!
> 
> If you liked my story, please feel free to leave kudos/comments! And come scream at me on twt (@2minlix)! See you next time!


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